does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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