im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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