So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
