I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
