What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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