Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
