So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
