tell your sister to shave her snatch
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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