Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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