My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
