and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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