It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
