Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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