Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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