Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i think i have two assholes
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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