The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends