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we have officially lost it.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
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