made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
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she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
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We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.