New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
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I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
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Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks