Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
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Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
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Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...