just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean