today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't want my vagina anymore.