is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
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i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
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Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks