all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
