We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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