my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
