Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
