we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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