WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
