Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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