shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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