this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
