Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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