I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
