I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
