a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
