I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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