I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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