I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize