No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
