my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
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searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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