Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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