I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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