I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
