currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
