Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
