I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Randomize
