i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
