I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
