I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my being single is dangerous.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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