he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
