I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
how drunk are you?
Several
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
