her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
