Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
