dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize