Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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