we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
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during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
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STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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