I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
they need to just BURY HIM!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
