Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
