Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I am spending my child support on dildos
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
