I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
