So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
