ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
