so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
