I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
