i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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