Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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