Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
