its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
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You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
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I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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