just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
